I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
