when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
