also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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