Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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