Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
