The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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