Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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