dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
