You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
