I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
