She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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