is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Drake has all the answers
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
