Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
