if you like me you must not know who I am
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
