yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I didn't notice because vodka
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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