I want you more than these girls want KFC
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
