I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
