First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize