he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
