Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
