Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
