Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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