sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
