Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
A+ Viking dick
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
