i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
