I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
