we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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