Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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