i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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