once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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