True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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