epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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