Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
