Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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