I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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