Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
