It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
