What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
