i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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