honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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