Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
