your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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