Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
