Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
