What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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