So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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