I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
