I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
