Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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