I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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