theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
