is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just cropdusted the office
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
