3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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