I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize