i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
