I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
