just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
