I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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