I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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