she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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