Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
