I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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