I want to walk on stilts...naked
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
the raccoons are back...
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