I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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