Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
