There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
