I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
