Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
