This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
