i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize