He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
