whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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