I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
