I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
last night I used snow as a chaser
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
