Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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