her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
