I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize