Cold hands, warm shart.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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